Seattle

Well, we have been here for long enough now that I think I have a feel for the city. There are things that are definitely Seattle for me now - things that whenever I see, smell or hear will always remind me of this place, for better or for worse. The first that comes to mind is teriyaki - I smell charring beef on every other street corner in and around the city. It smells delicious. Even on my way into work at 8 in the morning it still makes me crave some hunk of meaty goodness. I have yet to actually try any of the teriyaki joints - we have made our own but couldn't achieve the same mouthwatering smell of cooking flesh. I think I've been looking at too many of those food porn sites as my description there dangerously teeters on the point of cliche.
The other quintessentially Seattle product is coffee. I am a barista and I can tell you, I'm sick of the lingo out here. 'Can I have an extra hot double tall split shot non fat mocha with a bit of whip?' No, no you bloody can't. You can have a straight-up goddamn fucking coffee and be damn glad I didn't spit in it. Well, I can't say that, but trust me, I'm thinking it. There is a lot of pretentiousness surrounding the coffee culture and Seattlites have high expectations of their coffee. I suppose you have to have a bit of taste in something, even if it is just coffee.
Hipsters have overtaken Seattle. Kurt Cobain must be turning in his grave. Lots of lost 20 somethings with too much time in the morning to get ready. This time applies especially to men and not only to their hair and carefully placed scarf/neckerchief but also how long it takes to pour themselves and their poor little bollocks into the tightest drainpipe jeans. Style here must have taken a dramatic turn after the grunge movement. There is a lot of alternative here, but all of it smacks of effort. Everyone seems to be trying to prove something.
Don't get me wrong, Seattle is a beautiful city. It's nestled in a forest surrounded by mountains and lakes. Everywhere you turn is another stunning view. But that's in the distance. Up front you have a whole load of people vying for your attention with signs. The homeless stand on the corners of junctions and beg for money from their captive audience. Politicians stand on other junctions waving signs advertising themselves. Shops stick people out on the street with big signs to wave to goad people in. And most interesting of all - people stand and hold huge signs over overpasses with their beliefs splattered all over it. So far I've been told who I should vote for, that I should be vegan and that I should follow the path of christ according some referenced bible verse. It's a bit chilly at the moment and yet they are still there, smiling and waving and trying to change your mind.
For all these reasons, and many more that I am sure I will discover, I shan't be choosing Seattle as a city to settle down in. Even at the right time of life for that business. A great place for a while, but not a keeper. So new travel plans have been formed. An RV will be be purchased and used in a road trip across America. When we run out of money, we stop, get a job and save until we can move on. I am aware it is in its primitive stages of development, but watch this space as plans progress. If anyone has any helpful comments about road trips, RV's or places to go drop me comment.
Next time I write I'll fill in on what we've been up to, but I just had to get that off my chest!

For all you were

I’m still trying to shake you. I’m still comparing what I have now to what I had then. It’s even at the point where songs I hate are becoming sentimental because they remind me of you.

It’s not like this is the first time. It’s happened a lot before. But no previous experience ever prepares you for the next one. Each is different in its own way. Although it was easier I suppose when I was younger - fewer preconceptions, less to lose. I keep trying to remind myself that I’m using rose-tinted glasses, it wasn’t as good as I remember. I try to remember the bad times, the times where I thought you had given me all you could.  Friends say they will keep in touch, and they do for a while, but soon it becomes too awkward, out of sight, out of mind.

But then I remember the times where I was spit out into the unexpected morning light by some sweaty nightclub and you were there to embrace me. You would swift me along my way as I stared at the floor, avoiding eye contact in case they see the evidence of the night before. But you never judged me. There are times when I may have felt rejected, but never unloved.

The last time I really had to start a new life I was 15. In that prepubescent stage, it was a very emotional time. I felt like my life, which had previously been in turmoil, was finally coming together. Then we moved and I left behind my best friends, my new boyfriend, and a life I had worked very hard to pull together. I remember waiting for the car to pull up, eating Burger King on my bedroom floor as all the furniture had been sold. My 2 friends waved me good bye and I could only just make them out through the haze of tears. I slept the whole way to the airport once I stopped crying. When we got to England I felt like someone had ripped my heart out. Physically, not just metaphorically – it felt shattered.

I don’t feel like that now. But I have a feeling it’s the adult equivalent. I’ve been told that the weather is crap and I’m not missing anything. But I’m missing my friends, my familiarity, my comfort, a whole support network made up of not just the people, but the place. All of my little knick knacks that moved around with me are not here. My pictures of old friends are not here. Part of me is not here. It’s back in Bristol. Don’t take this as regret – I’m on a new adventure and I wouldn’t change it, but it doesn’t mean that sometimes it’s not a struggle. It’s like missing having a boyfriend – I keep looking at friends meeting up in the park or for coffee or for a night out and thinking ‘I used to do that.’ It takes a while to settle into a place, but for now I want to pay homage to Bristol.

Bristol, I miss your:

Graffiti

Night clubs

Cider

Beer gardens

Dubstep

Raves

Crusty hippies

Coffee shops

Westonbirt arboretum

Parks, oh how I miss sitting in the park with friends

Friends

Hippy mentality

Ease of networking

Unrealistic ideologies

BCHF

Walking everywhere

Festivals

Intelligent humour

There’s more, but most of them are steeped in memories. I’ve come to a different place to have a different experience, but first I’ve got to let go. Stop comparing everything to Bristol and appreciate things in their own right. I suppose it’s just hard having a definitive line to mark the end of a particular part of your life. Even though my party animal side started to fade a while ago, this feels much more like the dawn of my adult life. I’m certainly not saying that I won’t be partying anymore, but not as often and not with the same sense of reckless abandon. I’ve always struggled to come to terms with the end of that part of my life, for whatever reason it made me feel special. I also think it was me having to embrace responsibility in some way. But it’s still hard to wave goodbye to a very fun time of life and I wouldn’t have had it any other way, warts and all. So goodbye Bristol, and Seattle, show me what you got!